Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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