I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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