I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
