I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
