well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Everclear isn't food dammit
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
