put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this beer tastes like vomit already
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
