i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
