my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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