I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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