we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
