I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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