i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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