these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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