You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize