it's too hot outside to masturbate.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
