so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize