Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
