I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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