Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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