Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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