They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
