Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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