Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
