don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Drake has all the answers
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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