He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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