flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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