dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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