Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
