So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize