ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
