There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
