YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
