Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
