I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
