I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
