Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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