Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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