Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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