Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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