How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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