the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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