Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All the doctor said was why
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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