Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
