I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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