She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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