i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
