i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
