My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
