Your face is a jimmy john
I could make wine with my vomit
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
