Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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