I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
