she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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