So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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