grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize