clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
