K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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