Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
