Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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