Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
