I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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