I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize