Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
