Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
