I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
4 words: hood of his car
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
