i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
