I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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