god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
